Pretenders...we all

He wanted it...He wanted me to laugh. So I laughed.

She wanted it, so I cracked my ribs

I smile at everybody and everything just to cover up my sorrow. I hang around people, make silly jokes and make them envy me.... I remember when my ex bf broke up with me over a phone call in the middle of the night. I got to work laughing like crazy over funny and not-funny things cos I didn't want to cry.

I pretend to be happy single. No need being sad, right?

But every now and then, I ask myself...Dola, how happy are you?

I remember this poem I wrote...THE PRETENDER...

They watched the outrageous drama

Staged by me and their impressions

With me clamouring on their rising ovation

They thought I had it all

One beautiful actress I must have been

Staging the play with other actors

Consciously and merely conscious

Gifted and not gifted

I drove them to 'locations'

My back must be covered

The smile smeared my cheeks

Ignored my eyes and emboldened the stars

I was gay and playful

I featured the roles in their staged minds

I belched the words their ears itched for

My talent, purely overrated 

Inside me, my heart ached for satisfaction not derived 

A natural actress I would have been

A natural role I should have played 

But my costume was embroidery of chameleon's garment

I craved for the troupe at the theatre

For their satisfactory smiles

Tho' they watched without penny

Their hearts beckoned my pretense 

Just one role I had to act...A Pretender

   

Such Audacity

My legs suddenly trembled beneath, the catwalk I managed to utilise for the first time got wrong cos I almost slipped. My hair was standing up on the back of my neck as I looked, as I looked hard at the object of my confusion.

I saw his eyes first...you know this kinda eyes that look like Takwa Bay beckoning you to come and swim cos the tide is light and cool...they are simply amazing!

And the owner? He kept staring at me with those Takwa Bay eyes. 

I managed, as in struggled to walk to meet him. I was going to ask..."have we met before?" but changed my mind.

The bus-stop was rowdy, it was closing hour after all and people were struggling to enter buses. 

I made several mental DO NOTs 

1. Don't struggle for bus in front of this guy

2. Don't walk away...it shows that you are weak

3. Don't get carried away...he might be one chance

4. Don't lose the opportunity of knowing him

He was still staring with his beautiful innocent face as I walked up to him.

"There is another bus stop down the road" I said and paused to see his expression. A smile crept up his lips, cheeks and eyes...Oh My! "Let's walk." I continued.

And we walked.....